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Lovefire

2020.05.09

中文版 English

我從小在南部一間保守的教會認識基督信仰,參加兒童主日學,青少年團契,到了念大學時還參加了校園福音團契,基督信仰一直是我生命中密不可分的一部分。


成年後,因為同志身分與傳統基督教教導產生很嚴重的衝突,讓我非常困惑與無助,我既無法改變同志身分,但也無法離開這個信仰,那幾年的年輕歲月像是被困在黑暗裡,沒有出路。


直到我在台南念研究所時 (1996),在網路上認識了同光教會的楊雅惠牧師,牧師趁著到南部巡迴演講時來看我,並為我禱告。從此之後,為了成立南部的同志團契,楊牧師介紹了幾位在南部的同志友好牧師來幫助我。


這些台灣基督長老教會的友好牧師,分享他們對於聖經與同志的看法,真是讓當時的我,感受到上帝終於為我開了另一條出路。


2000年時離開台灣在國外求學幾年,當時居住的地方是個小鎮,並沒有同志友善教會,所以只能到一般傳統教會聚會,繼續隱藏同志身分與弟兄姊妹互動。2003年回到台北後,終於有機會加入了同光教會。


以前在一般教會,聖經經文解釋的權柄是在牧師和長老,另外也灌輸”聖經無誤論”的觀念給會友,也不鼓勵弟兄姊妹對於經文背後的意義提出不同的看法;換句話說,就是期待信徒全盤接受教會權威教導並遵從聖經字面上的意思。待在那樣的環境下,不但常會感受到被定罪,同志的身分也只能隱藏,戴著面具參與教會生活。但是來到同光教會這許多年來,認識了許多同志友好牧師,從他們的分享與引導之下,對於聖經的理解,有了完全不同的眼光。因著同光教會對於性少數的接納,與弟兄姊妹終於能夠自然地互動;因著教會對性少數平等對待,可以看到更多不同的生命樣貌真實地存在著,而且上帝的愛並沒有離開過,這是我過去在一般教會不曾看到或感受過的。


感謝上帝的帶領,來到同光教會,認識了許多友好牧師與真誠的弟兄姊妹。特別令我感動的是,這些友好牧師不畏懼所處環境中主流意見的攻擊,不但主動來關顧與理解我們,更與我們一同上街爭取同志權益。


在這段信仰的生命旅途中,我想最寶貴的是,我從小建構的一些基督信仰框架與價值觀徹底被打破,不論是對上帝或是對人,我的看法都與過去不同,雖然不能再當不用腦的’乖乖牌基督徒’,但是卻感覺自己才是自由的,且與上帝的關係,不再只有遠遠地敬與畏,而是可以更加親近與真實。


「主的靈在我身上,因為他用膏膏我,叫我傳福音給貧窮的人,差遣我宣告:被擄的得釋放,失明的得看見,受壓迫的得自由,宣告 神悅納人的禧年。」 (路加福音四18-19) 感謝 主耶穌的恩典!


I encountered Christianity at a conservative church in southern Taiwan. I participated in Sunday School, youth fellowship, and joined the Campus Evangelical Fellowship in university, Christianity is always an essential and inseparable part of my life.


As I became an adult, my gay identity conflicted severely with traditional Christian teaching, this disruption made me extremely confused and helpless. Neither could I change my gay identity nor abandon this belief, I felt that those teenage years were spent being taken captive in darkness and there was no escape.


When I studied graduate school in Tainan around 1996. I knew Pastor Yang Ya Hui of Tong-Kwang Church from the internet. She seized the chance while giving a series of lectures in southern Taiwan to visit and pray for me. From then on, in order to establish LGBT fellowship in southern Taiwan, Pastor Yang introduced few LGBT-friendly pastors to help me.


These friendly pastors of Presbyterian Churches in Taiwan shared their perspectives on the Bible and LGBT, which made me feel that God finally made a way for me.


In 2000, I left Taiwan to study abroad for a few years. The place where I stayed at that time was a small town without any LGBT friendly church, I had no choice but to hide my gay identity to interact with fellow brothers and sisters. I finally had chance to join Tong Kwang Church when I returned to Taipei in 2003.


When I was in non-LGBT-affirming churches, the authority of exegesis was on pastors and elders, who instilled biblical inerrancy to church members. They also discouraged brothers and sisters from proposing different interpretations for the passages other than conventional ones. In other words, they expected that believers totally submit themselves to church authority and follow literally what is stated in the Bible. Staying in that environment, I often felt incriminated and could only choose to hide my gay identity and put on a false front while in church life. But all these years in Tong-Kwang Church, I have acquainted with many LGBT-friendly pastors, whose sharing and guidance brought me new understanding of the Bible. It is because Tong-Kwang Church that accepts different sexual identities, fellow brothers and sisters were able to interact naturally. It is also because of equal treatment of different sexual identities that I was able to see people of many different types being true to themselves, and the love of God has never left. This is something I have never experienced in other churches.


Thanks to God’s leading, I came to Tong-Kwang Church and have gotten familiar with LGBT-friendly pastors and sincere fellow brothers and sisters. Something that was especially touching for me is that these LGBT-friendly pastors do not fear any attack from the mainstream groups, and they not only actively come to understand and care for the LGBT group but also joined us on the streets to campaign for LGBT rights.


During this journey in the faith, what is most precious for me is that the Christian framework and values cultivated since my childhood has been thoroughly transformed. Regardless of things about God or people, I have different opinions. Although I am no longer the mindless and obedient Christian, I feel that I am free. I do not just respect and fear Him from afar, I feel that I can more freely love God and be intimate to Him.


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